Diary of a JanFan

By Tick

Dear Diary, Jan's knee hurts and he has barely been able to ride so far this year. But Telekom is being so patient with him, they have always taken such good care of him!

Dear Diary, The poor boy -- that auto accident wasn't really his fault -- of course he's frustrated and has to let it out somehow -- Telekom is just being SO understanding and wonderful, and, like always, doing everything they can to help him!

Dear Diary, A black day today -- Jan said he won't be riding the Tour!!! I guess it would be difficult -- even for HIM!! Next year for sure, though! I'm sure he feels he owes it to Telekom after everything they have done for him!

Dear Diary, Who did it! Who set him up! I can't believe it! Slipping him pills in the disco, and then arranging for a drug test the next day! Coincidence? I DON'T think so! Oh, the poor poor boy...

Dear Diary, So now of course Telekom has suspended him, like it's all his fault? It's becoming clear to me now, though --they just can't wait to get rid of him -- they've never done anything for him, never helped him with his problems, I'll bet Walter doesn't even like him............

Dear Diary, A New Beginning! Yes! That's the answer! Away from Telekom! What have they ever done for him? Nothing! Nothing at all! Away, and the sooner the better!

Dear Diary, Bjarne and Jan! Jan and Bjarne! Bjarne and Jan! Jan and Bjarne! What else is there to say! Finally, someone to motivate him, to help him, to truly understand him... when I think of those wasted years at Telekom.....

Dear Diary, Why is Bjarne taking so long with the new sponsor? He must not be trying very hard! God knows Jan doesn't want that much money! It's only secondary for him, the ONLY important thing is for him to be with Bjarne! And now there are rumors about Coast -- like he would really go to a team that can barely even pay all those foreigners, oldies and has-beens it has on its roster!

Dear Diary, That Riis! Did he really expect Jan to accept a small salary? My God! What an insult! No doubt all his other expectations of Jan would have been equally unrealistic! Thank God that didn't work out. After all Jan has already done for Bjarne -- of course Jan should have won that first Tour, he only "let" Bjarne win it because he was the captain........

Dear Diary, Coast! Oh, it's perfect! Jan, Rudi, Steini, Becker -- all the old friends still together, making a New Beginning together! I just know that Zülle and Casero and everyone else on the team (what are their names again?) will forget their own ambitions and just knock themselves out to help Jan win the Tour this year! And of course they will all learn German, because HE is the Captain and they just have to do everything for him!!! Oh, I can't wait to be in Paris in July to see Jan win the Tour in a Coast jersey -- I've said all along that this is the only team in the world for him!!!

Dear Diary, I can't believe it! Lance Armstrong has dared to criticize Jan! How can he? How can anyone? Don't they know they can't do that? No TRUE champion would ever dare say anything nasty about MY JAN! The nerve of him! And to say that he should have gone to Riis at CSC -- that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! What would he have done there? That Armstrong -- just a typical American, they really belive in that  "Freedom of Speech" thing they have there -- how childish! Don't they know it's simply not allowed to criticize MY JAN???!!!

Dear Diary: The route for the German championship was made public today, and it is just perfect for Jan! With those climbs in it, Zabel doesn't stand a chance. Not that Telekom has a chance anyway. I'll bet that Heppner and Bölts will do all they can to stop a Telekom winner, and probably most of the Telekomers will ride for Jan anyway! I can't wait to see Jan in the German Champion jersey again -- and what a perfect preparation for his (victorious!!!) Tour!

Dear Diary: Exciting news -- Matthias Kessler is moving to Switzerland! Only 10 km from Jan! He says it is a "coincidence," but what else can he say, as long as he is still under contract to Telekom? I know the truth, though! Obviously, he'll be signing with Coast next year, and all of Jan's other friends, too -- Klöden, Hiekmann, Hondo -- well, all the Germans on Telekom, I guess, except of course Zabel -- and he's nothing anyway! What has he ever done? He has just taken advantage of Jan's popularity! Wow -- and when Telekom has nothing left but that "has-been wanna-be-a-star" Zabel and all those foreignors -- why, they'll just cease to exist! I love it!!!

Dear Diary, What kind of game is the UCI playing? Just because Coast is a little late with the salaries? Have they never heard of Karneval? Honestly! And always those whiney, yammering foreigners -- none of our good German boys are complaining!

Dear Diary, Well, the first of those whiney foreigners is gone -- that Axel Zulli, or whatever his name is. Who does he think he is, anyway? Why does he think he's so great? What did he ever win? He was just jealous of Jan, it's sooooo obvious...........

Dear Diary, Jan has his Swiss license now! He's ready to go! So what if he waited until the last minute? The poor boy has so much to do right now, with all that intensive training and all. He needs to concentrate on that, I think it's awful that they expect the poor boy to take care of all that silly paperwork himself.

Dear Diary, The UCI is doing it again! Either they haven't yet received the paperwork and escrow account for Jan, or they're still reviewing it, or -- how am I supposed to keep it all straight? They're doing it on purpose, I know, they'll do just anything to stop MY JAN from getting out on the road and winning everything!

Dear Diary, The very best news! (Well, the second-best news, the best will be when he wins the Tour!) Jan is going to have a baby! This summer! This just proves how much he has matured and settled down. I hope it looks just like him, with that red hair and all those darling little freckles.... I understand that Gabi is happy about it, too...........

Dear Diary, No one wanted to believe it would happen -- except me! -- but Jan finally got the green light from the UCI today! All those pessimists were saying forget it! Hah! Jan will show them this week when he wins the Circuit de la Sarthe! And he'll have his good German teammates with him, not those lazy, complaining foreigners.....

Dear Diary, Just 24 hours before he leaves for the Tour -- Jan is able to be there for the birth of his child! I have always felt that the girlfriend was just a distraction but now I am sure that the new responsibilities and the mantle of fatherhood will make a new man out of him!

Dear Diary, Well, maybe not an entirely new man. Second again in the Tour! But I think it's incredible that he did so well. When you consider what he has gone through this year: the team suspensions, the lack of race time, the late paychecks, the lack of support from so many of his teammates.... What a talented athlete and superior young man he is! How can anyone help but admire him? Which brings me of course to Armstrong. Why, he should have got down on his knees and thanked Jan for waiting! We all know that Lance would never have done it if the situation was reversed. I mean, just look what he did when Beloki crashed, he not only kept on going, he even took a shortcut!

Dear Diary, So now Big Tex claims that Jan didn't wait. OK, at first I was angry. But now? I only laugh at him. No "true champion" would behave that way. Lance may have won the Tour, but Jan won our hearts! What a darling young man he is...

Dear Diary, I just can't understand why it is taking so long for Bianchi to name their new co-sponsor. They must not be trying very hard! Maybe it really would be better if the went to another team -- someone who would pay on time, provide him with talented and supportive teammates, hire his manager, physical therapist, trainer, mechanic....

Dear Diary, Of course Jan is going to ride the Vuelta and the World Championships! He won the Vuelta several years ago when everyone said he had no chance and he wants to prove his critics wrong again! And he will be in such a good form after that that the Worlds should be no problem at all, both the tim trial and the road race.

Dear Diary, I don't know whether to be outraged or sad at the criticism of Jan ending his season early. Look at everything he has been through already this year. All the hard work and stress have taken their toll on him. I for one never expected him to ride in Hamilton or Spain!

Dear Diary, Jan has said he would like to stay with Bianchi, if only to help his teammates. Isn't that just like him? So self-sacrificing! Never thinking of himself, only looking out for the welfare of others who aren't as talented, rich and famous as he is. They should consider themselves lucky! I could just cry when I think of his goodness!

Dear Diary, Jan is going to CSC, I'm just positive! Didn't somebody interview Jens Voigt the other day and didn't he say that there very well might be another German coming to CSC? It can only be Jan! Of course! Why else would Jens and Jörg Jaksche have signed with CSC?

Dear Diary, Now Lance has published his next book and repeats that awful story that Jan didn't wait for him. How can he live with himself, telling such lies! And trying to disguise this "lie of the year," this slander, this character degradation, by calling it his own opinion? He has no right to such an opinion! He has no right to say anything against Jan! And those people who dare to defend him and say he has a right to say what he thinks -- I think those people are dangerous! How can they be so one-sided and such rabid fans, that they defend him no matter what?

Dear Diary, That dear, dear man, Rudy Pevenage, has declared himself ready to bury the hatchet and go back to Telekom, if that is what Jan wants. What a noble sacrifice the man is willing to make -- he is almost as saintly as Jan!

Dear Diary, The government of the Balearic Islands are willing to sponsor a team made up of Saeco and Bianchi. Well, I'll confess to you alone, dear diary, that I had to look it up and find out that it is Mallorca and Minorca and so on. Well, I understand their interest in Jan when I think of the zillions of German tourists who go there every year. But they do have a reputation for -- how shall I say it? -- excessive alcohol consumption. And after Jan's little escapade last year with his Porsche and the bike rack, I'm not sure it would really be such an ideal combination.....

Dear Diary, Some of my cycling-fan friends are saying I'm obsessed, losing my sense of proportion. But I think they're the ones with the problem! Why can't they understand that Jan WILL win the Tour next year! Why can't they understand that that is the most important thing in the world? That he is the most important thing in the world? That NO ONE has the right to criticize him? What would pro cycling be without him? Nothing! Nothing at all! Armstrong, Heras, Simoni, Winokurov, Museeuw...........who are they, anyway? On the other hand, I know that those other riders have fans, too, fans who care about them as much as I do about Jan......