By David Richter
Deep winter is here. It feels like it, too, here in the
This is deep winter, when you stop hoping for nice weather, or I should say lost
hope for any nice weather. Late December arrives as hope leaves.
Patience leaves along with hope, but the middle finger appears more often to
motorists that even look at me funny.
Deep winter is also the time when you know if fight weight
will be here for Groundhog’s Day, Memorial Day…or maybe you’ll be in a new
weight class. Maybe it’s time to go on my buddy Cam’s “six-grape-a-day diet?”
The diet goes as follows; ride six hours a day and eat six grapes. Go ahead, try
it, it works. I’ve ridden myself within striking distance of my fight weight.
So now I can kinda hover by riding massive hours and eating massive garbage.
It’s awesome. I pound cupcakes like pound nails, with pure power, no technique,
and eyes closed.
Every year I think I have the ultimate pair of pliers. I
thought it was over when I scored the Robo Grips for X-mas a few years ago. I
wondered how man could possibly come up with a better pair of pliers. Well, they
did it…Viper Grip. The Viper went straight to the top of my X-mas list. I don’t
know why I want them so bad. All I do is strip nuts and ruin shit with ‘em. I
have to stop watching TV.
I went to gas up the car the other day and as I was waiting
for it to fill up I decided to wash the car…with the window washer thing! I
didn’t realize how crazy that was ‘till I was almost done. I looked up and two
dudes were just shaking their heads…deep winter, man.
Maybe the weather isn’t the only thing making me retarded.
The fact that I haven’t raced since September is a contributing factor.
Professional athletes need competition, so when you don’t get it for a few
months you go nuts.
I started racing commuter dudes on the bike path. I even rolled-up next to a
recumbent the other day and gave him the look. You know, the “let’s get it”
look. We were blasting down the trail ‘till some righteous walker yelled at us.
I flipped her off and said, “f#$% you lady, we’re racing.” I didn’t look back
to see what her response was, but I’m sure she was ok with my explanation.
This is the time of year when you get a little crazy and a
lot tough. My legs have turned to gristle. My mind is mush.
Deep winter is when you find out if you have to nibble on grapes or you can
pound cupcakes. It’s the time of year that makes you realize you’re behind, on
track, or maybe already burned out. I can’t wait for warm California, but for
now I’ll be riding in the rain, puttin’ down cupcakes and flippin’ the bird.