By Locutus
ham-gaze
verb:
1)
in
cycling,
the
practice
of
watching
other
riders
make
the
race;
to
sit
on
while
other
riders
take
off
down
the
road.
2)
the
act
of
staying
in
the
peloton
and
watching
the
"hams"
of
other
riders
in
front
of
you.
3)
the
visual
aspect
of
going
off
the
back
when
other
riders
increase
the
tempo.
noun:
ham-gazer.
synonyms:
ass-watch,
rear-view.
antonyms:
attack,
hammer.
There
are
a
lot
of
reasons
for
ham-gazing
in
a
bike
race.
First
and
foremost,
ham-gazing
occurs
when
riders
quite
sensibly
sit
on
and
wait
for
the
right
moment
to
attack.
In
a
big
race
like
the
Tour
de
France,
most
of
the
big
riders
like
Armstrong,
Moreau,
and
Beloki
will
sit
on
and
wait
for
the
time
trials
and
mountain
stages
to
ride
hard;
if
their
positions
are
threatened,
they
will
leave
it
to
their
teammates
to
do
most
of
the
work
in
eliminating
the
threat.
So
while
these
big
riders
are
anything
but
ham-gazers,
they
do
a
lot
of
ham-gazing
as
an
important
part
of
their
strategy
in
the
race.
The
same
is
true
of
sprinters:
they
will
sit
on
in
the
mountain
stages,
hanging
out
in
the
grupetto
and
gazing
at
the
hams
of
the
climbers
flying
up
the
mountain
while
they
save
their
energies
for
another
day.
Even
on
the
flat
stages,
most
sprinters
will
sit
on
and
wait
until
the
intermediate
sprints
and
the
finish
line
before
coming
out
from
behind
the
hams
of
the
other
riders.
In
this
sense,
great
sprinters
like
Mario
Cipollini
are
extraordinarily
good
ham-gazers,
as
they
only
stick
their
nose
into
the
wind
during
the
last
few
hundred
meters
of
the
race.
There
are
other
reasons
for
ham-gazing
as
well.
Sometimes
riders
have
poor
form,
and
it's
all
they
can
do
to
make
it
to
the
finish
line
without
expending
extra
energy
on
attacking.
Sometimes
riders
aren't
as
talented
as
their
fellows
in
some
aspect
of
racing
(e.g.
the
sprinters
in
the
mountains),
and
so
their
talents
force
them
to
ham-gaze
through
the
race
on
a
particular
day.
There
is
also
sickness,
accident,
and
injury,
all
of
which
contribute
to
quite
understandable
ham-gazing
on
the
part
of
the
affected
riders.
Sometimes
the
riders
are
just
tired,
worn
down
by
the
rigors
of
a
long
day
in
the
saddle
or
the
long
trek
of
the
season.
Then
there
are
the
more
odious
causes
of
ham-gazing,
such
as
lack
of
morale,
loss
of
confidence,
and
apathy--what
the
Church
would
call
the
sins
of
Sloth--which
lead
the
riders
to
be
lazy
for
no
particularly
good
tactical
or
physical
reason,
though
they
may
have
justifiable
psychological
reasons
for
just
sitting
on.
In
short,
there
are
a
host
of
reasons
for
ham-gazing,
and
many
of
them
are
perfectly
valid
and
understandable.
Keeping
track
of
the
ham-gazing
is
often
an
important
aspect
of
understanding
what
is
going
on
in
a
race.
If
a
rider
ham-gazes
for
too
long
or
at
the
wrong
moment,
we
can
assume
that
the
rider
is
suffering
from
a
loss
of
form,
is
making
a
tactical
blunder,
or
is
cracking
under
the
psychological
pressures
of
the
race.
This
is
the
interesting
aspect
of
ham-gazing.
However,
very
often,
ham-gazing
is
extremely
boring
for
a
fan
of
cycling
who
is
watching
the
race.
While
the
riders
ass-watch
their
way
through
the
countryside,
we
fans
sit
and
wait
for
the
attacks
to
come
and
for
the
interesting
racing
to
commence.
During
the
upcoming
Tour
de
France,
I
will
be
writing
for
the
Daily
Peloton
some
periodic
analyses
that
include
two
different
types
of
awards.
The
first
award
will
be
clearly
a
positive
award:
The
Golden
Hams
award
will
go
to
the
riders
who
do
the
most
to
make
the
race,
whether
it
be
those
brave
souls
who
go
on
long
solo
breakaways,
the
domestiques
who
bury
themselves
to
advance
the
cause
of
their
teammates,
or
the
big
leaders
who
blow
the
field
away
at
a
crucial
moment.
Then
I
will
give
a
more
dubious
award
throughout
the
race:
The
Ham-Gazer
award
will
go
to
those
riders
or
teams
who
are
conspicuous
in
doing
nothing
to
make
the
race.
On
occasion
this
award
will
also
go
to
those
racers
who
show
bad
form
or
to
those
who
make
a
mistake
that
negatively
affects
their
position
in
the
race.
Some
days,
riders
will
receive
both
awards;
for
example,
last
year's
stage
that
ended
at
L'Alpe
d'Huez
would
have
looked
something
like
this:
Ham-Gazers
of
the
Day:
Lance
Armstrong,
U.
S.
Postal.
He
looked
to
be
having
a
bad
day,
and
by
his
creative
ass-watching
at
the
back
of
the
lead
group,
he
conned
Telekom
into
working
at
the
front
up
the
crucial
climbs
while
his
team,
suffering
from
illness
and
injury,
saved
their
energies
for
another
day.
A
brilliant
bit
of
tactics
that,
while
controversial,
definitely
served
his
team
well
today.
Stuart
O'Grady,
Credit
Agricole.
While
riding
nobly
so
far
in
the
Tour,
O'Grady
finally
conceded
his
Yellow
Jersey
today
in
the
first
major
mountain
stage.
But
O'Grady
still
has
a
grip
on
the
Green
Jersey,
so
all
is
certainly
not
lost
for
the
"Red
Thunder
from
Down
Under."
While
he
takes
a
back
seat
on
the
big
climbs,
he
looks
poised
to
fight
it
out
with
Erik
Zabel
all
the
way
to
the
Champs
Elysées.
Bobby
Julich,
Credit
Agricole.
It
looks
as
though
the
likable
American
once
again
doesn't
have
it
to
challenge
the
leaders
in
the
mountains,
as
he
finished
23
min.
10
sec.
down
on
Armstrong.
It
may
be
that
his
energy
was
affected
by
his
team's
defense
of
the
yellow
jersey
over
the
last
couple
of
days.
Hopefully
he
can
rebound
to
challenge
for
a
stage
win
later
in
the
race.
Lampre
and
BigMat.
Respectively,
their
best-placed
riders
were
Marco
Pinotti
in
42nd
at
17
min.
27
sec.,
and
Stéphane
Heulot
in
53rd
at
23
min.
33
sec.
Ouch.
Golden
Hams
of
the
Day:
Team
Telekom,
especially
Kevin
Livingston,
Andreas
Klöden,
and
Alexandre
Vinokourov.
They
made
the
race
today,
hammering
at
the
front,
putting
the
pressure
on
Postal,
and
dominating
the
field.
Unfortunately,
Armstrong
was
too
strong
at
the
finish.
Lance
Armstrong,
U.S.
Postal.
After
a
relaxing
day
of
ass-watching,
he
showed
everyone
else
his
hams
as
he
flew
up
L'Alpe
d'Huez
in
a
ride
that
is
sure
to
become
legendary.
François
Simon,
Bonjour.
He
was
the
best
of
the
breakaways
who
gained
that
huge
chunk
of
time
on
the
way
to
Pontarlier,
and
rode
his
way
into
the
Yellow
Jersey
in
what
must
be
the
highlight
of
his
career.
The
purpose
of
these
awards
is
to
provide
a
different
(and,
I
hope,
an
occasionally
amusing)
perspective
on
what
is
transpiring
in
the
world's
greatest
cycling
race.
Perhaps
the
awards
will
also
provide
fodder
for
the
message
boards,
as
who
deserves
these
awards
on
a
given
day
is
certainly
debatable
(though
resistance
to
my
opinion
is
ultimately
futile).
So
I
look
forward
to
seeing
you
again
in
Luxembourg,
when
the
racing
begins
in
earnest
and
the
hams
fly
down
the
road.
--Locutus
Los
Angeles,
California
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